Disability + Mental Health + Caring: When the Labels Don’t Fit

Posted on 31/07/2025 by Shirley Appleby

By Shirley Appleby

Some people walk through life with a single diagnosis, a single challenge, a single source of support.

Others carry far more.

Their needs overlap. Their roles collide. Their responsibilities stretch across time and energy. They live with layered identities, student, carer, neurodivergent, person with anxiety or chronic fatigue, all at once.

And sometimes, they don’t fit the form.

Meet Jasmin

Jasmin is 22. She’s studying social work. She also supports her mum, who lives with a degenerative condition, and cares for two younger siblings. She’s been diagnosed with ADHD and experiences frequent anxiety.

Some days she’s late to lectures because she’s had to manage the morning chaos at home. Other days she’s there, but can’t focus, her brain pulled between assignments, appointments, and everything she’s carrying.

She’s bright. Determined. Capable.

But she’s tired. Quietly overwhelmed. And starting to believe maybe she’s just not cut out for university.

When Lives Don’t Fit Into Boxes

Jasmin has tried to reach out.

She’s spoken to her tutor, the wellbeing team, and the disability support service. Each time, she explains a little more. Each person listens. Each one wants to help.

But the forms are for students with one thing at a time.

There’s a category for disability.
There’s a box for mental health.
There’s a checkbox for carers.
But there isn’t always a space for all of it together.

So, Jasmin gets referred. Then referred again. She’s given contact numbers, helplines, support plans, but no one quite sees the full picture.

“Sometimes people are bounced between services, not because anyone is doing it wrong, but because no one service was built to hold it all.”

The Quiet Cost of Carrying Too Much

When people live with layered needs, it’s not always visible.
They might look “fine” on paper.
They might be managing well, until they suddenly aren’t.
They might keep saying “I’m okay,” because the alternative feels too complicated to explain.

And when their energy drops or communication lapses, it can be misread.

Not as overwhelm.
Not as overload.
But as disengagement.

Yet behind that silence is someone doing their best.
Someone who’s tired of repeating themselves.
Someone who doesn’t want to be seen as too much.
Someone who needs the kind of support that meets the person, not just the label.

The Power of Being Seen

Here’s the truth: no one is just one thing.

A carer can also have ADHD.
A student can also be managing trauma.
A disabled professional can also be a parent, an advocate, a partner, a patient.

And when someone takes the time to ask the right questions, gently, openly, it can change everything.

“Who else relies on you right now?”
“What’s one thing that would make next week easier?”
“Is there something you’ve stopped asking for, because it felt too hard to explain?”

These are small questions, but they’re acts of connection.

The Thread That Holds It Together

When people are juggling layered lives, sometimes what they need most isn’t a new service or a new form.

Sometimes they just need:

• A person who will listen to the full story

• A space where all their roles are welcome

• A plan that acknowledges energy, not just effort

• A reminder that they are not the problem, the boxes were just never big enough

Final Thought

To everyone living a layered life, with roles, diagnoses, demands, and responsibilities that don’t fit neatly:

You don’t have to shrink to be supported.
You don’t have to simplify to be seen.
Your story makes sense, even if no form captures it fully.
There is dignity in everything you’re carrying, and strength in still showing up.

And to the professionals who pause, who listen, who zoom out before zooming in:

You’re not just offering support.
You’re offering humanity.
And it matters more than you know.

I know what it is to live a layered life, navigating disability, generational trauma, and caring responsibilities while moving through the world with heart and intention.

Read more here

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